Happy Valentines Day Everyone!
It is hard to believe my husband and I met just shy of 20 years ago. If someone had told me he was going to be my one, I’m not sure I would have believed them.
You see, it was not love at first sight. Or 2nd. Or 3rd. Or, well you get the picture. When we first met, literally on the street in San Francisco, I was not bowed over by him (don’t worry, he knows this as he lived it). We had an enjoyable conversation, but there was not a connection on my part. There was for him as he had had a premonition of sorts that I would be coming into his life. Not me particularly, but through a vision that was fulfilled when he saw me in the light of the street lamp.
He did monopolize my outreach time—which was why I was talking to people in the line outside of a bar. When it was time for the group I was with to move on to our next stop, I didn’t give my husband to be no never mind. I did make an impression on him. He later told me he had waited for me to come into the bar. In fact, he had written his number down to give to me that evening. Instead, he showed it to me a couple of months later when we decided we were going to get serious about our relationship. As you might imagine, that melted my heart even more, but I’m getting ahead of myself.
The following Wednesday, I was waiting outside an event talking to some friends. While talking, I just had a feeling that I needed to look towards a corner across the street. At that very moment, he came around that corner and our eyes met. Although my brain does not always hold onto a name, it will hold onto a face. So I knew exactly who he was when he rounded that corner and where we had met. Of course he came over and we had a re-introduction.
From that moment on, he began his pursuit. He’d show up at some of the same events, we’d go out dancing here and there, or have a meal or two together. During this time we became friends, but I still wasn’t interested in him romantically. Until one evening, when I was dropping him off after hanging out, he surprisingly pulled me into a kiss. Shortly after that evening, we had a conversation about where things might be going. I let him know that I wanted a child, I wanted to be a dad. If he wasn’t interested in that as well, then we would be friends, but that would be all it could be. He said he hadn’t really thought about it as being a possibility, but he was in as family is important to him. The rest as they say, is history.
Here we are 20 years later. We’ve been through almost all of the parts of our vows. For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish. Hopefully the last part, about death, is a long way off.
We’ve raised four kids together—surviving their teenage years, supported one another through several career choices, a move across the country, a kitchen renovation and building a house, had two years of living apart, hunkering down during the Covid lockdown, a bout of Covid, several family surgeries, the death of one of our parents, and helping another with dementia. Through it all we are still going strong.
Our goal is to make it to our 50th anniversary. We’ll be in our nineties, but well within the realm of achievement. I tell him often that our two years of being together before marriage counts. He tells me that the 50 year goal started on the day of our vows. I’ll keep to my line, and let him keep to his as it actually very endearing. Besides, he’ll get his 50 years plus regardless, God willing, so it doesn’t really matter.
Happy Valentines Day again everyone. Whether single, newly coupled, or already achieved your 50th anniversary, enjoy being. Just enjoy the day no matter where you are in life and let you, be you!
Personal Reflections of a Middle-Aged Man 